Yeah, you guessed it right. This one's going to be a lot of self-pity. But then again is my situation pitiful, damn I am not thinking straight. A one and half year old screaming with highest humanly possible decibel levels may have something to do with it. 

Non-working is hardly a term that can be associated with any mom. All moms are always on the run. In here, this term is used for moms not involved professionally in any work.

I was a pleasant girl, lost in her own world of dreams and ambitions. My work was very involving and I was enjoying all the attention. The thought that someone (client/colleague) considers you bankable and efficient enough to do some work is ego-boosting and reassuring.  As professionals we are expected to appreciate the tiniest of efforts made by team-mates. After all that's the most basic sentiment underlying the word "team". Being good at work, my vanity was being pampered a lot, and hell I did deserve it.

One fine day, tired of the whole office rut, I decided to quit and start a family. Probably one of the good decisions that I have made in my life (you must be wondering...hey, that contradicts with the theme of this writeup....refer to line 2).

Two kids and five years I still yearn for that life...however demanding even frustrating that life was I feel an urge to go back to it. The only thing holding me is the fear that my kids may suffer. Will they, won't they whoever knows....

One of the reasons for giving up on the job front was a stupid misconception that life might slow down a bit and I may be able to do justice to a lot of other activities/people. Here's what really happened:

1. Except for me no one really had the time. They were going about their lives with previous paces. So nothing changed dramatically, I was alone by myself many a times wondering...

2. Now that I did not have to go to work, people presume I have a lot of time on my hands and indulge in discussing house-hold politics (which I was never and will never be interested in) or some other pointless endless banter.

3. With or without kids I end up watching a whole lot of TV (cartoons, cooking shows, movies) and put on tonnes of weight. So to match my confused mind, I have a sloppy body. End up wondering when .....I might ....

4. End up feeling really low on seeing how remarkably and efficiently (if I can call it that) some women can juggle both work and kids.

5. Again feel really frustrated at not being appreciated for all the efforts that go in for putting through each day without a break. (Please note the difference between family and team)

After all this mental debate and a lot of wondering, I know that a hug/smile from my kids is going to temporarily erase all of this from my mind...making every sacrifice, every effort worthwhile. What I am really scared of is that:

1. The debate is temporarily forgotten...its still there in my mind.

2. When these kids grow into adult family members will they too note the difference between family-members and professional team-members and just feel:  "Mom, kudos but wasn't it all part of the game plan?" I really do dread that day.